Navigating the New Now

A Call for Growing Our Capacity and a Network of Support

September, it gets me every time. 

Is anyone else feeling overwhelmed and maxed out these days? 

This seasonal shift always feels the most dramatic for me. As the air gradually gets cooler and the call to hunker down gets louder, I can easily begin to spiral into an abyss of worry, overwhelm, and fear of the unknown. To me, the summer months welcome loose plans, spontaneity, and a free-spirited approach. Autumn feels more serious, plan-oriented, and more strict in nature. 

When I zoom out and consider the current state of our planet and species at large, it makes this seasonal shift feel like a small hurdle to overcome. And yet, despite this perspective, it’s still not any easier to navigate. It feels like this small hurdle is surrounded by greater hurdles that need attention and tending to, which can easily feel like too much. In addition to our own individual life pursuits, we are being called to step up and serve the greater good and to turn toward long-lasting issues that have been hiding in dark corners for too long. How can we ignore the number of police brutalities that have and continue to happen? How long will we tolerate the systems that have and continue to perpetuate racial injustice and oppression? How much longer will we stand idle as we watch the impacts of climate change? ...just to name a few. Collectively, we hold a lot of important work worth doing and we hold all of this while we are expected to navigate our own unique individual life events and situations. 

This brings me to a topic that I have been stirring on as of late: the ability to build and grow our capacity. I have come to understand that we can do that in two ways:

  1. shift into survival mode in order to withstand more. 

  2. slowly build capacity while maintaining homeostasis (or a ‘relatively balanced state of being’). 

Growing our capacity to hold and to manage more is possible. It is relevant and especially necessary for when life’s demands increase. We, humans, have the incredible gift of adaptability - the ability to adjust, change, grow, and evolve. Our interactions and experiences literally shape us. This means that we have the potential to shift out of old, unconscious, and limiting patterns and form new, intentional, and positive habits. We can use this ability to better serve, consider, and contribute to our own individual health as well as the health of the collective. 

Shifting into survival mode can certainly grow our capacity, but its benefits come with limits. Maybe we enter survival mode because we’ve committed ourselves to something that isn’t easy to negotiate our way out of, or life throws us a curveball that can’t be put off, dropped, or ignored. Sometimes it is necessary to push through, to lean into survival mode, and get the task done. Although it is uncomfortable to be in these types of circumstances or situations, it’s useful to know that we are still growing and from that growth, we’re able to enjoy a few benefits. For example, we might accomplish things that were only imaginable to us before or uncover resources that we didn’t even know existed like inner strength, a hidden talent, or a new skill. From these experiences, however challenging, we are gifted the opportunity to build confidence and trust on a cellular level. Stress grows our nervous system and our tolerance for future stressors. From this perspective, it is pretty incredible how much we can and will do with very little. Depending on our current life situation, functioning with minimal resources (OR ‘in survival mode’) may be necessary and appropriate for a period of time. I am not convinced, however, that it is sustainable or desirable in the long term. 

I have pushed myself to the extreme many times over, overriding my own needs in order to meet demands (self or other-imposed), and at some point, I am faced with my limit. Yes, I have come to terms with the fact that I am not a limitless being overflowing with an endless supply of energy and love at all times. I need to lean on my resources in order to refuel. 

The longer our needs are left unmet, the greater the need gets.

This brings me to the second option for gradually growing our capacity while maintaining homeostasis (a relatively balanced state of being). We can build capacity over time by gathering resources, developing ongoing practices, and engaging in experiences that “fill our cup” so that we are better prepared to face life’s everyday challenges and demands. This is something worth doing on a regular basis in order to meet any experience with more presence, ease, and grace. When there are options to renegotiate situations, circumstances, and expectations in order to match your capacity, it is important to be willing and able to do so. This is where enhancing self-awareness, honoring boundaries, learning how to regulate, and being open to receiving external support come into play. 

Think of capacity in relation to how well-resourced you are. Resources can be anything that contributes to you feeling balanced and available. Some examples may include physical activity, material objects, emotional support, and spiritual practices. When I am well-resourced, my capacity is greater than when I am not. Our capacity to function optimally over a sustained period of time relies on our ability to get our needs met. 

Take a moment right now to feel into this: pause, check in, and notice where you are at. Physically, are you feeling comfortable within your environment? Feel your body, feel for your breath, and check your environment. Are you hungry or thirsty? Have your physiological needs been met? If you were to give a percentile rating of up to 100% for these needs feeling met right now what would it be? 

Is there anything that you can do to make yourself more comfortable in your body right now? This can be as simple as placing an extra pillow at your back, a blanket over your legs, or feeling your feet on the floor. Is there anything else that you need that could help you feel more available and balanced right now? Of course, there are other things to consider beyond basic, physiological needs. I believe that physical needs are an important starting place, but there’s more beyond this. Most of us have other needs that include emotional, sexual, financial, material, and spiritual. We could use the practice of awareness to check in with ourselves around any or all of these areas and get curious about where we are at presently. 

It takes a certain level of self-awareness to recognize the signs that you are under-resourced. And when resources are low, we tend to have a lower capacity level to be of service to ourselves, others, and the world. 

How do you know when you have reached your limit and are overwhelmed? What are the signs and signals? How do you know when enough is enough? 

Through self-awareness, we can begin to recognize our limitations and get better at setting boundaries. Honoring your boundaries is an important part of keeping your “cup full”. For some of us, setting boundaries can be quite difficult. I find it helpful to remember that through honoring my boundaries I will be more available to myself, my loved ones, and to meet my life goals. Boundaries can look anything like taking a break from a task for a period of time, canceling or rescheduling an engagement or conversation, saying no, or turning your phone off. 

How often do you ignore the call to pause, assess, and look for options to reconfigure, renegotiate, or alter expectations? 

What is in the way of you honoring your limit? Do you have a hard time getting off the “hamster wheel”? What do you think is driving that? 

Honoring our boundaries can really help us to carve out time for practices and experiences that regulate and balance our systems. Old programs and underlying belief systems may be fueling your impulse to push through and override your boundaries when it isn’t entirely necessary. If you feel this might be the case, working with external support like a coach, guide or therapist could be quite enlightening and beneficial. External support has been quite an incredible resource for me. Sometimes, I am too deep in the waters to pull myself out. I feel my capacity continues to expand as I am more able to reach out and receive from others. Leaning on my support team, colleagues, coaches, mentors, and therapists has been most helpful to me through challenging times. 

In summary, we can be grateful for our innate capacity to shift into a heightened state of being when necessary or in emergency-type situations. But approaching life in this heightened state on a regular basis is not the ideal. In fact, if we are in a sustained state of hyper-vigilance we will likely experience a crash landing and burnout. This can become a habitual cycle that can feel like a rollercoaster with high highs and low lows. It is possible to hold more with less stress, to experience most of life in more of a “cruise control” type manner. If we work on building our capacity through all of the above-mentioned ways, when the going gets tough, we can ride it like a pro. With greater capacity, we will feel more embodied, authentic, and present even through challenging times. 

I am here and available to support you in growing your capacity so that you can be and feel your best self no matter what life throws at you.

The ProcessLisa MessinaThe ProcessComment